Thursday, January 31, 2008

Lie In Court, Go To Jail

Now, you really gotta wonder about this. Here's a guy who ran a stop sign in Redwood City and took pics of another intersection to try and beat the rap. Then, he switched the street signs to try and fool the judge. When he got caught, the DA filed purjury charges against him and off to the hoosegow he goes for a year. Hell, pay the fine and take your lumps.

What A Hammer

Here's the link to a legally blind 92 year old golfer hitting his first hole in one in over 60 years of golfing. I hope I get one before I'm that old. Hell, I hope I'm still alive at 92, much less playing golf.

This Is Tragic

OK, I've blogged about having the DMV test people over a certain age for thier drivers license. Here's an 84 year old gal who got confused, lost, and backed over a guy trying to help her. Then, she backed into the pictured carport. She said the car acted as if it was driving itself. So, what we have is a dead guy and a gal who will never live down killing him with her car. And, what reason is there for not greater testing for older drivers. After all, just like I blogged about, I have to pass a medical test every two years to keep my license. And I haven't killed anyone with my car.

Here's A Winner

This gal called the cops on her cell phone to tell them she's too drunk to drive, then she drove home. When the cops pulled up at her house she blew a .14 and off she went. Calling the cops on yourself. What a winner.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

This Kills Me

Thanks to Athiestic View for this poached pic. We're both going to hell.

Meme From Psychodiva and Poodles

Both Psychodiva and Poodles had this so I'll join on in.

4 Jobs I've Had
1) Alarm Response Agent
2) Retail Clerk
3) Cook in a Catholic Convent
4) Paperboy

4 Movies I Would Watch Over And Over
2) The Natural
3) Patton
4) Animal House

4 Places I've Lived
1) Stockton CA
2) Sacramento CA
3) Buckeye CA
4) Central Valley CA

4 People I Email Daily
1) Nobody gets it every day.

4 Favorite Things To Eat
1) Iced Tea
2) Pizza
3) Chicken Mc Nuggets
4) Chicken Fried Steak

4 Places I'd Rather Be
1) Riding the scooter
2) At the ballgame
3) On the golf course
4) At the craps table

4 Things I'm Looking Forward To This Year
1) Breaking 100 on the golf course
2) The Daddy Longball Golf Classic
3) The week of vacation that's just Sandra and I
4) The planned week in Palm Springs

If you read this and want to pipe on in, go for it.

One Lucky Bear

This is the real deal. This bear was crossing the bridge (Old US-40 just outside of Truckee, CA) and traffic spooked the bear over the side. He managed to make it to the ledge without falling all the way to his death. He decided to take a nap while help came with the net. The rescuers drugged the bear into the net and lowered him to safety. Once he woke up, he was good to go and one lucky bear. Thanks to my high school pal Yumi for the pictures. You guys know I love all things bear. (Upon edit, and thanking Reed for the info, I don't love all things bear, but I do love bears like pictured above. Reed pointed out in the comments sections that bear is a gay term and that's not applicable to me)

Big Snake

The story Yumi sent me is that the farmer was getting his goats eaten so he put up an electric fence and caught this big ass snake. Jesus, what a monster!

The Snow Fairy

My high school pal Yumi sent me this pic of the snow fairy. Since I'm a naturist at heart, I'd be willing to do this.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Goddamn Valentines

First off, let me say that I hate Valentines Day. So much emotional bullshit wrapped up for one day. You gotta buy the gal an expensive babble, take her to an expensive dinner, and for God's sake get down on one knee and profess your love. Never mind how you treat your gal the other 364 days of the year, if you fail on this one day you pay for it the rest of your life.
I'll also add that during the years I didn't have anyone to even buy a card for this day reminded me as to what a romantic loser I am.
This year, Sandra told me she wants a hand written love note. Oh, Sweet Baby Jesus! I might as well just stab my eyes out with a rusty awl.

So, this is what I want to celebrate in return.

Yep, March 14th. Here's the link. Thanks to Xavier for the pics and the link. I could have sworn I blogged about this before but I couldn't find the post. In fact, here's Xavier's take on the whole issue. Its worth a click.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Looking For Charlie

"Hi, I'm a big buck and I'm looking to run in front of Charlie"

What Second Amendment

I poached this from This is in Death Valley and notice the "firearms prohibited" sign. Hell, I can't count the times Charlie, Rich O and I have gone dual sport riding fully armed. Damn killjoys.

This Is Scary

Attilla linked to this site. This is gone way wrong. Or else its a parody, I'm too dense to figure it out.

This Kills Me

Poached from lolthiest.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Sandra's Not The Only One

The Shocker

I didn't know what the shocker was until a guy here at work wore in a shirt that had a picture of a hand as shown above, with the ring finger bent in and the other three fingers extended. I'm so old and out of touch. This shit kills me. Here's Wiki to the rescue. Here's a Daily Cal article on a gal who wasn't happy with the shocker.

If Money Was No Object

I'd have one of these towing a Billy Bad Ass 5th wheel toyhauler. What a beautiful piece of machinery.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

I Love This

Thanks to Stardust for this letter to Dr. Laura.

Dear Dr. Laura,Thank you so much for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law I have learned a great deal from your show and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18: 22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them.

A) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Leviticus 1: 9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

B) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21: 7. In this day & age, what would be a fair market price for her?

C) I know I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev 15: 19-24). The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

D) Leviticus 25: 44 states that I may own slaves, both male & female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims this applies to Mexicans but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?

E) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35: 2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

F) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree, can you settle this?

G) Leviticus 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20 or is there some wiggle room here?

H) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Leviticus 19:27. How should they die?

I) I know from Leviticus 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

J) My uncle has a farm. He violates Leviticus 19:19 by planting two crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton & polyester blend). He tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev. 24: 10-16). Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws (Lev. 20: 14)?

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.”

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Not Paying Attention

Here's someone asleep at the wheel at the DMV.

I Wish

On my last day at the paper, this is what I have in mind for anyone who cuts me off.

Yep, This Is The Cover

Thanks to Midtown Miscreant for the pic. He also has a good take on that piece of shit Al Sharpton here. This is the cover of Golfweek that got the editor fired, with the help of that piece of shit Al Sharpton. Shame on anyone who pays attention to that piece of shit Al Sharpton in the first place. If Tiger Woods wasn't upset by the comments made on Golf Channel, hell, why should anyone else get their panties all in a wrinkle.

This Is Close

Well, someone got it close. As Poodles mentioned in the comments section of the previous post, there's a place called Bikini Cuts in Salt Lake City. Of course I went straight to Google and got to the webpage.
This is a hell of an idea. And, in the heart of Mormon Country no less. If a place like this opened up out here, I'd let my hair grow so it could be styled on a regular basis.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Another Million Dollar Idea

This just occured to me. Topless barber shops for men. Plasma tv's on the wall showing sports, gentlemens' magazines to read while waiting (like an old school barber's shop) and topless gals cutting your hair and shaving your face. Man, what a place that would be. I'd get a haircut every damn week!

Wedding Dinner

Y'know, if you stop and think about it for a minute, when do you get a chance to eat as the bride and groom? When I got married the second time, we (Charlie and Marie) ate at Arbys after the ceremony. Big spenders!

Even I Learned This As A Child

But, it took this gal 75 years to learn that you don't tell a cop, "you can't arrest me." This winner said just that and off she went to the hoosegow. All because she wouldn't move her goddam car out of the way of the driveway. And, if you need unsalted fries, get off of your lazy ass and go inside and wait.

Its Just Me

Y'know, maybe its me and I'm an untrusting asshole. But, if I owned a gas station I wouldn't let the clerk who had been with me for less than a year have access to the pricing computer at the pumps. That way, like what was done here, someone couldn't sell gas to their friends and family for .001 a gallon. Yep, that's one tenth of a cent per gallon. Its no wonder the guy's cash flow went down all of a sudden.

Sandra's New Car

Sandra has been after me to buy her a new car. She's awfully tired of the 12mpg Suburban. I had decided to go ahead and buy her a car. I had been emailing a few dealers and one guy in Pittsburg had the car I wanted at a good price. OK, when Monday can I come out and buy it?
Hmmmm, no answer. No nothing. I figured he sold it and didn't want to tell me, but it struck me as odd. If you're in a commission driven business and you have a live one on the hook, wouldn't you be keeping in touch.
So, come Monday I'm eating with Sandra and casually mention that I had plans on buying her a car that day. She perked up and wanted to go to the dealership right then. I kind of brushed it aside, telling her why. She was kind of insistant, so we went.
It was a 10 minute drive and we pulled into the lot. I asked for the sales guy I was working with and they said, "he's no longer with us." OKaaaaay. That explains it. So, the one sales guy said he'd be happy to work with us and what the hell. I told him the car he had on his lot that I wanted and he went and got the keys. Sandra took it for a test drive and she liked it. When you have good credit, you can easily sign your way into bankruptcy! Anyway, we agreed on a price and I got the Ford 2.9 financing. And, as you can see, Sandra drove it home. "It" is a 2008 Ford Escape with the 2.3, automatic and FWD. This is exactly what Sandra wanted. So, she's happy.

Chicken Or Egg

Firey has a good thread going here about the chicken and the egg. Two posters, Richard and Johnny, put forth some excellent evolutionary explanation that even a dummy like me can understand. You've really got to go over and take a look.

Moment Of Silence

PMomma has a good post going on here about the moment of silence in public schools. She's had 33 replies, both pro and con. Give it a look and chime on in.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Not A Snow Penis

Jeremy J at work said this looks like a rook. That's a chess piece. I busted up when he told me this. I'm tired and need to go home and crawl my sorry ass in my comfy bed with Sandra.

This Kills Me

Look at the name on the door.

More Twister

Left hand blue!

Another Bad Tattoo

And they're forever.

Sad Anniversary

Today is the anniversay of my brother's death. Kurt was a wonderful brother to have and 4 years later I miss him terribly. I rarely dream about him like I used to a few years ago, especially the first year. And when I do dream about him it doesn't make me so damn sad. Cindy Tom told me this would happen. Her late brother was Kurt's best friend and he died in his early 20's.
Kurt's death prompted Sandra and I to buy the RV and it also reminds all of us to live life to the fullest, because you never know.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Shitting In The Washer

Y'know, I just can't make this shit up. Here's a guy who shit in the apartment laundry and in shoes left in the hallway. *Joe shaking his head*

I Don't Believe It

A couple of posts ago I wrote about the guy who didn't want the rectal exam for the head injury. When I got home from work I mentioned this to Sandra and she told me it was hospital policy to take a rectal exam for unwitnessed trauma incidents. They're checking for internal bleeding, so Sandra says.
She's worked in the ER and has seen people come in with head injuries that suffered more than a knock on the head and they found internal bleeding in this way.
OK, I guess I see her point. But I still think I'm not up for the gloved finger of death if I bump my head.
Actually, I'm after my NP to order me the camera. That's scheduled for when I'm 50 but I don't want to wait that long. So, though I don't want the finger I'll take the camera. Go figure.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

This Kills Me

Thanks to BEAJ. Xavier put it up today as well.

This Kills Me

This made me laugh. Don't ask me why. Poached from Nightmare.

Remind Me Not To Go To The Hospital

OK, you're at work. You get hit in the head and you go to the hospital to get checked out. For some ungodly reason, the doctor wants to give you a rectal exam, when you got hit in the head. You're coherant enough to tell him "NO" but they try anyway. When your resist you're sedated, given the gloved finger of death, and then arrested for assault. Here's the link.
The civil trial starts in March, and wouldn't you like to hear the hospital's reason for a rectal exam for a bump on the head. I forsee this guy getting a payday out of it.

Cantankerous And Proud

Look at the pic. This gal's house is surrounded on three sides by a parking lot. The hospital wants to buy her house, tear it down and add to the parking. She won't sell. What a hard ass! Good for her. Here's the link. I hope I've got spunk like that when I'm an old fart.

A $5 Fuck

No, this isn't what you think. This guy gets a parking ticket and writes "go fuck yourself" on the memo line of the check and sends it in. The police in Doylestown PA don't have a sense of humor and file charges against him. So, an apology is given and all is better. Except for the added court costs and the $5 cost of the ticket. Hell, it must cost more than that to process the ticket.

This Kills Me

Yep, they look like what you think they do. You put them in your trailer hitch. In Virginia, (home of the $2500 traffic ticket) people with nothing better to do are trying to ban these from your car. Here's the link. Of course, my question is "why would you have testicles hanging from your trailer hitch in the first place?" But, that's just me.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Taking A Coffee

I'll admit it, I like Starbucks. I don't care if its the devil's coffee or corporate coffee or any of that.
I got onto the Byron Highway as the sun was setting and cruised on into Byron and Disocvery Bay. It was time to sit in a warm Starbucks and drink a decaf to shake the chill off. Not a long ride by any means, but a nice way to kill a couple of hours. I've ridden on these roads a hundred times but I don't get tired of them.

Majesty Lit Up

Here's the front of the Majesty in the parking lot of the school. It was gettting a bit on the brisk side once the sun started to set. At least you can ride in January in California, so I'm not bitching about it.

Mountain House School

I took Vasco Rd into Livermore and turned onto Altamont Pass Rd and rode through the pass on the old road. (here) I turned off the old road and rode through the settlement of Mountain House. The school serves some of the rural ranching and farming families out this way. There was a big stink when the town of Mountain House was formed not far from here in San Joaquin County. The old timers didn't want the name of their hamlet stolen but money talks and bullshit walks and now there's two places named Mountain House close by each other.

Vasco Road Is Dangerous

Vasco Road used to be a rural countryfied road that we used to ride fast on back in the day. When East County grew by leaps and bounds, the road was moved east and widened. There's a lot of fast moving traffic on this road and its not the safest road in the countryside. I'm riding against the commute and there was hardly a car going my way but there was a sea of cars heading to East County. When this road was built it should have been two lanes wide both ways from I-580 to Brentwood. Live and learn I guess.

The John Marsh House

This is just off Marsh Creek Road next to the earthen dam. I blogged about the momuments and Marsh here. You really can't get much closer to the house as its fenced off. It was also late in the afternoon with thick overcast to give the pic a gloomy feeling.

Out Marsh Creek Rd

Sandra was busy on Monday and I was all set to go out for a day ride on the scooter. Plans changed when I couldn't drag my sorry ass out of bed at a reasonable hour of the day so after I ate and read the Sunday and Monday papers at Burger King I got the itch to take the scooter out anyway.
You can see in the middle pic that the grass is starting to turn green after the big rains of last week and some sun thrown into the mix. Spring comes early to the Bay Area.
I like when trees line the road as in the bottom pic, the stately trees act as a sentinel for the rider.

Mayor, Pastor, Married, Pervert

"How do I make this all go away?" asks the front man for God. This, after sending pics of his nude body to the police decoy, who was acting like a teen girl. Here's the link. Another link from Mark, who really should be writing in his own blog. Not like I'm unhappy with the contribution, but hell, get into the 21st century.

No Loss

>>MARION COUNTY, Fla. -- A convicted child molester and kidnapper died in prison last month after choking on a hot dog, prison officials said.<<

Here's the link. Mark sent me this one as well.

God's Master Plan

Looks almost like a mug shot, doesn't it? Well, this winning representitive of God may yet be holding up a placard. Here's his story. Can't keep from chasing the women in God's name. Mark sent me the link.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Mike Huckabee Is An Ass

"But I believe it's a lot easier to change the Constitution than it would be to change the word of the living god. And that's what we need to do -- to amend the Constitution so it's in God's standards rather than try to change God's standards so it lines up with some contemporary view."

At least Huckabee makes no bones about it. Vote for him at your own peril. Here's the link.

Doubting Faith

Today's Golf

It has been almost a month since I picked up the clubs of death. We played at Spring Valley, which is just east of Milpitas in the hills. One day, when the stars were aligned so long ago, I shot a 40-46 86 here, for my second best score ever. And 40 for 9 holes is my best.
I left the camera in the scooter (which means no scooter pics until tomorrow) so I didn't get to take pics of the course. That, and it was foggy as all hell today. For the first 9 holes we would hit a shot and watch it disappear into the milky fog. So, the camera would have been useless today.
I came out of the gate hitting the ball like I had a clue. I went bogie, bogie, birdie, bogie on the first four holes and that included two three putt par 3's. (I'll add here that I three putted 4 of the 5 par 3's today. I suck)
I only had one bad hole on the front and shot a 46. Well hell, there ya' go. About damn time.
I did 3 putt 4 times but only had 18 putts on the front. The 4 1 putts helped that out a bit.
The back 9 started out well with a par and a bogie, but the wheels fell off and I took an 8 and an 11 and stunk my way to a 56 on the back. On the 11 I hit a ball into a gopher hole and that's a lost ball. Then I hit the next shot off the course and just shook my head. I had three more 3 putts and a 4 putt as well as 4 more 1 putts so if it looks like I couldn't figure out the greens, well, that's an accurate outlook. Par for me was 100 and I shot 102, posting 100. So, for as shitty as I played, I played roughly to my personal par.
Spring Valley had a special and we only paid $37 for the carted round. Usually the round itself is $36 to walk. Golf is not cheap, even municipal courses put the hurt in the wallet. Spring Valley is also a beautiful place to play, I'll take pics on the next non-foggy day we play.

Jump On In

Both Poodles and T&A did this meme and I will too. Gotta keep up with my co-bloggers.

What I'm reading: Except for the newspapers every day, I'm almost ashamed to admit I'm not working on a single book. I don't really read fiction and my books are packed away in storage. I do have a few in the RV I'm working on, the Iliad and Odyssey are the current faves.

What I'm listening to: My own Yahoo streaming music channel. That, and classic rock in the car.

What I'm watching on tv: I'm loving Family Guy these days. I think Sandra is tired of it but I watch FG on Fox, the local channel and Adult Swim.

Have at it if you're interested.